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Unsafe People

February 24, 2018

Not long ago I read a book called "Safe People" by Cloud and Townsend. It was a good one and it goes well together with the book “Boundaries” that you may have heard of.  I told a friend of mine that if you read these two books together, you significantly reduce your chances of being hurt. :-) 

 

One of the sections of "Safe People” worked at defining unsafe people. I found it helpful to identify the common traits of unhealthy/unsafe people laid out in a list like this. Here they are:

  1. Unsafe people think they have it all together instead of admitting their weakness.

  2. Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.

  3. Unsafe people are defensive instead of open to feedback.

  4. Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble.

  5. Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior.

  6. Unsafe people avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.

  7. Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it.

  8. Unsafe people believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.

  9. Unsafe people blame others instead of taking responsibility.

  10. Unsafe people lie instead of telling the truth.

  11. Unsafe people are stagnant instead of growing.

  12. Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting.

  13. Unsafe people are only concerned about "I" instead of "we".

  14. Unsafe people resist freedom instead of encouraging it.

  15. Unsafe people flatter us instead of confronting us.

  16. Unsafe people condemn us instead of forgiving us.

  17. Unsafe people stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.

  18. Unsafe people are unstable over time instead of being consistent.

  19. Unsafe people are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.

  20. Unsafe people gossip instead of keeping confidence.

 

Now the question is: What do we do with unsafe people? Unsafe people need love too! It is super important that we find ways to avoid demonizing them, and find ways to show compassion and grace while maintaining healthy distance and clear rules of engagement. 

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